Who is Alexis?

I pride myself in being in tune with my body, my mind, my soul. So why can’t I stand to be with my own thoughts, to be without a device in my hand, to not scroll mindlessly for minutes/hours?

I’m content, I’m happy. I prayed for a man who loves me unconditionally and who makes me feel safe and loved. God blesses me with Mando.

I pray for a healthy baby after losing Ezra, God blesses me with Scarlett.

I pray for approval on a home loan, God blesses me with our first home.

I pray for financial independence, God blesses me with a job that pays me the most I’ve ever been paid and the ability to be with my daughter 3 out of 5 days a week. God blesses me with a job that provided a new vehicle when mine no longer served our family.

I pray for my health, God blesses me with an able body that has all movement and no disabilities.

I pray to be present, God blesses me with time outside of work and my responsibilities to take advantage of all of my blessings. God blesses me with all of my senses that allows me to the opportunity to see all of the beauty in this world, hear all of the love that is poured into me, smell all of the wonders of nature and aroma of food that nourishes me, taste what delights my tongue, touch all that surrounds me to feel the beauty in each person and/or thing.

I am present, I am happy, I am blessed. So why do I still get the feeling something is missing? Why do I still not know who I am? What makes me, me?

Is it a thirst to know our Lord on a deeper level? Absolutely, as that is the first thing that came into my mind as I type.

Who am I in Christ? Does God truly embody me in my heart, mind, and soul? Do I place too much importance on earthly materials, desires, and all that keeps me from Him?

What do I like to do in my spare time? Nothing. I can’t even answer that question when asked about myself. Tell me about yourself. How I loathe that question. What do I say?

My name is Alexis, I’m married, a mom, and work as a contractor. That is usually what comes to mind when asked this question.

But who am I really? What do I want people to know about me?

I hope to find that out in this journey of self-discovery. Truly find my authentic self and be able to describe myself genuinely.

I want to say I'm almost sure I'm not alone in feeling this way, and if I'm not, I'm sorry you're feeling lost. I hope we can all find our way.